Getting into the Groove~

This is the 4th week of school, and i'm starting to feel the heat... Many assignments to complete and yet i'm still slacking~! Tml is the deadline for submission of an article review, yet i'm still blogging~! Hahaha!! A girl needs her break too rite??

I'm slowly getting over adrian and i'm glad for all the distractions in school and from friends... Tennis, Jogging, Assignments that are bottle necking, Chinese New Year... All these and more... I'm glad i have my roomies and friends that were so accomodating to my nonsense and complaints...

I'm starting my life anew and in fact, change is already beginning... I have got a new phone! A Nokia 6500 Classic, very sleek~ The next change would be a new haircut at NEXT salon~ (What an irony, Haha!) But this time, it will be a hairCUT~ no more trimmings... Will post my before and after photos after cutting them~ Wish me Luck! After cutting my hair, i believe i will be changing my specs... Saw one that i really like, but i'm not sure if it will suit me after my hair cut~ Hee~ Many changes on the way~!

I'm enjoying singlehood rite now, but still, i'm a sucker for love and attention... I would still want to be pampered~ Haha!! But look at me? I'm happier now... It may be a right move after all... Wait a min, it WAS a right move! (No, according to my sis, it IS a right move!) Hahaa!

Anyway, its time to move on and focus on what's important. Family, Friends and School Work~!

Groovy Grooving~!

Together already~

They are officially together now... He smsed me this afternoon to let me know the "good" news...

I'm happy for him, but somewhat unsure of whats my feeling now... I tink i'm happy~ but thats my head thinking... but as for my heart, i dunno man~ feeling a little lost... but as i have said before, at least i know that there is no hope in waiting for him anymore and its high time for me to move on... And i WILL~

There is always time for everything... And its time for me to move on~!

If he is happy, i'm happy?

I finally realised how much he likes that gal... His attitude changed when i decided to help him talk to the girl~ I guess he will treat me more like a fren now... Instead of a burden ba...

I have decided to help him becoz i find him quite pitiful~ stuck between a couple, when the girl dun seem to want to give up her current relationship for him... somemore he already spent some nites at her place too... I feel its unfair for him to live liddat... so i will be calling the girl up... once he gives me her number...

I dunno if i'm doin the rite thing, but i'm doin it anyway... but at least i noe now that i'm finally free... free from the emotional burden... free from the thought of getting together again... But at least if i noe he is happy, den i'll be happy too...

Update: He gave me her number alrite, that means he really wans me to call her... but he suddenly say the girl is uncomfortable... so i wun be calling her after all... Come to think of it, its obvious why she dun wanna recieve my call... but i shall not continue any further...

For the first time after so long, there is "hahaha" coming from his smses... Hahaha!!

I'm FREE to date!

Romantic Princess

Just finished watching a taiwan drama, Romantic Princess... I spent only 2 days watching the whole series as its onli 13 episodes long...

The show started out funny, but as the show dragged on, the plot seemed to be very predictable... And it doesn't seem to be as romantic as i tote it would be... The ending is very stupid... i was hoping for like a "3 years later" part where i can see the development from there... But no! it ended at the airport with the 2 main characters kissing... Its not even the "hot and steamy" type of kiss... More like a peck peck peck type of kiss...

Anyway, its a little disappointing, but i still enjoyed the hilarious parts...

Time to stop watching shows and get down to work!!!

Kinship 2 手足II

Watching the latest few episode, the problem between yusheng and dinosaur, i got reminded of what happened to me. Thinking back, i should have agreed to walk away when he first mentioned there was a problem between us... I should have been brave like yusheng to accept the fact... Maybe things will be better now...

Too late... Its too late...

ICG Netball~!

We advanced to the top 8~! Our class played SUPER well lah~! All the swift and accurate passes, fantastic shooting by zijian and evon, all out defense from shy and alvin, fast and supportive center and wings, amanda, eileen and sheryl~! We are a fantastic team and i believe we will advance to the semis tml~!

KEEP IT UP GUYS and GALS~!

I broke my NO SUPPER rule today~! Had cheese and mushroom prata and a milo dinosaur~! WAh Super fattening lorz~! Nvm, i tink i worked hard enough to indulge in today's supper~! I'll jog it off~! Soon~ Haha!

Update: We are placed 3rd~! Good job guys~! We played well today! Haha!!

JIAYOU JIAYOU~!

So its monday again~

Jus few hours ago, my uncle brought us to a place in bukit batok to eat dinner~ the food there is fantastic lah! We had steamed garoupa, cereal prawns, prawn paste chicken, kangkong and minced pork with salted eggs... Its very nice... The seafood are super fresh and its not too ex... The meal cost about 90 bucks for 7 ppl~

Now i'm back in hall~ Somehow, i'm quite happy to be here... At least i know that i have a place to stay~ For this semester at least~ I'm slowly adapting to my life without him as my bf... without him as my life... Sooner or later, i'll be able to push him out of my life as a bf, an ex, totally....

I better slp liao~ tml still got school~!

To forget is a long and tiring process.

Friday~

Its friday again~ its been almost 2 weeks since i stayed in hall~ Slowly getting used to the lifestyle here... I can feel that my overal physical activity has increased, thanks to all my jogging kakis... Its also thanks to all my online msn friends that keep chatting with me even after midnight~ (you know who you are~! haha~)

I feel that i have been blessed with wat i have now, and i'm not going to lose them this time... But there is just 1 thing that i need to do... That is to reaffirm if i should wait for him still... or not... When the time is right, i'll do what i have to do, once and for all~ This would be the deciding factor...

Will you avoid me again?

Hall of Fame?

Somehow, my name is still on NYP website~ Haha!!
Here's the link~ http://www.nyp.edu.sg/sidm/sidm_showcaseGA.html

This is a project we worked on during our school days~ But the thumbnail provided is quite pathetic~ They should just host the actual game!

Toyz
Category:
Flash Game
Award:
Noise Singapore Showcase
Description:
This is a PC Flash game created over a period of 3 weeks. This is a strategy turn base game where the players take turn controlling their army toys to outwit each other. Mix and match your own army with the remains that’s left behind during the battle to turn the tide around
DONE BY:
Loh Jin Tian Alvin, Lee Mei Feng Rosenna, Lim Mingsen Benson, Nicholas Seah Cheng Hong, Nur Hayati, Si Cheong Meng Sammi Adrian,Tan Jun Jie Gavin

I'm Famous!

Simple Photoshop~

We were told to submit a class photo for the annual school magazine~ So all of us wore our class t-shirt yesterday and chose a perfect spot for our photos. We wanted to be creative, but the security refused to let us step on the grass... So we had to take the usual boring class photo in the end~

After that, someone suggested taking some fun shots of our backs so that it can be composited into the boring photos~ and one thing leads to another... we ended up taking fun shots of our front too~! And we rushed to class~!

After class, some of them went to play table tennis, but i decided to go back to hall to work on the photo instead~! Its something that i really enjoy doing~ Haha! After about 6 to 7 hours... This is what i had~

Well, its not my best work, but i feel its quite well done already~ Considering that i haven touched photoshop for quite a while~ Haha!!

Photoshop RuleZ~!

Simple Life..

1. Wake up, Wash up.
2. Breakfast.
3. School, Lessons.
4. Hip Hop Course.
5. Anime.
6. Short Short Nap.
7. Subway.
8. Window Shopping.
9. Games at the Arcade.
10. Anime.
11. Jogging around Campus.
12. Study a little.
13. MSN.
14. Facebook.
15. Anime.
16. Sleep.

How nice huh?

Back in Hall~

Wah~ i brought so many things back to hall~ Food and stuffs~ haha!! Shiok man~ I tink i'm going to grow fat here... Hee~ Noodles, Bread, Ham, Chocolate Milk, Jam, Jelly~ So many things!!!! Woo Hoo~

I brought my inline skates and hockey gear, so i tink i'll start inline hockey again soon~ but i'll take it real slow~ becoz i can't afford to injure myself, especially this semester~ Thanks to a silly module that will deduct marks if i can't take the test due to injury~ So stupid~

Brought quite a few stuffs to decorate the pin board... I'll do doing a banner soon which says "FORGET HIM" and point it to his picture~

Tink i'm starting to get used to hall life ba~ Jus treat it like chalet lo~ I'm onli lacking of TV... Will be missing american idol lor~ So SAD~

TV TV TV~ ANTENNA~!

He didn't come back~

Yupz~ He didn't come back yesterday nite again~ Its either he really had a good time staying at whoever's house, or he is trying his best to avoid me~

Well, he does not need to worry anymore... Adrian's parents cleared the storeroom to make space for me, so that i dun haf to share a room with adrian... This means he can come back to his own house... Is it really that awkward? Its not like i'm going to seduce him or wat... I already gave up the notion of getting back together again... I will not stand in his way to wat he thinks is his happiness~

Anyway, when i'm back this coming friday, i'll hide in the new room when he comes back and comes out only after he left the place for work next morning~ He will not see me at all~ So to him, i dun exist, and to me, he dun exist...

I'm very thankful for what his parents are doing for me and i appreciate it alot~ I will surely repay the debt once i'm in the position to do so. Once i graduate, i'll definately give them some allowance... This is the least i can do~

One step at a time~

Wonder if he is a Coward...

I already decided not to slp in the same bed liao~ i'm even slping on the beach chair... But i woke up at 6plus to find his bed still empty~ Apparantly he went to his neighbour's house to stay over... When i tink about it, there can be onli 3 reasons...

1. He wans to play games loudly and enjoy the company of a friend...
2. He lied and went over to that girl's house instead...
3. He really stayed over at his neighbour's house but its becoz he doesn't want to face me...

To find out if it is number 2, its very simple actually... Jus check his phone messages... If their is no messages or phonecalls to and from that girl, it would mean that they were together last nite... Although that is wat i suspect it to be, i will not do anything to find out... He is no longer my bf, whatever he does now is really none of my business...

Wakarimasen!

Drama can be a Hope (Part 2)

It seems the shows that i watch are reflecting wat i'm going thru and how i feel...

Our local drama Kinship 2 手足II is also one of them... About episode 18, which was aired on 9th Jan, Wednesday, basically showed Jin Sha finally caught Nai Fa and Daisy~ Jin Sha went on a rampage, and cried alot... Meiqi mama consoled her and talked some sense into her, and i'm going to use what she said on myself~

"I didn't want to let him go either, becoz we led such happy life together, couldn't bear to let go. I'm working on leading a single life now. You can do it to!"

"If a man has had a change of heart, its no use keeping him by your side either. Learn to let go or you will be the one suffering in the end..."

I can do it too!

Back~

Lugging my heavy bags, returning after being away for almost a week, i was draggin my feet as i walked from the bus stop to the door step... Its not the weight of the bag that was slowing me down... It was my emotions... I wasn't feeling as comfortable as i tote i would be~ But when i'm back, i was alright. I washed my clothes, unpacked my bags, prepared some stuffs which i wan to bring back to hall this sunday~

Looking at the food cooked by adrian's mom, smelling the flavour, tasting them, made me realise how much i missed home cooked food~ Although i'm getting used to hall food and hall life, home is still the best...

Except, this may very well not be my home... I know what i must do later and i shall do it well... I shall not be bothered by his existence and carry on with my life... To adrian, this must be acknowledged as a temporary refuge for me... But as long as i know its not, its fine...

I do not dare to touch his bed, fearing that the feelings will float back to me and trigger my tears... So i believe i shall sleep on his beach chair today... I must be strong!

Give Me Strength~

Pri Sch Gathering...

True Blue 6B Gathering... Haha! Today onli 8 ppl turned up for this "farewell" gathering for Meng. He is leaving for Shanghai on monday for a 1 year work and study experience i tink~ Ate at NYDC and came back by cab... 21 bucks! Lucky 3 ppl share~ Haha!!

As for school? Its starting to get busier, but i'm still slacking~ Coz i believe i will not be able to get in the groove for another few weeks ba~ The courses are quite dry, but i'm blessed with interesting teachers for my general modules... But for PE modules, we are taught by koreans! Luckily one of the 3 teachers can speak good english, if not i tink we are really DEAD...

Adrian's mom didn't call me today... I wonder why... Althou i noe she said before that if it doesn't go back to how it was, i can be her god daughter... But i have this feeling that she will slowly get use to me not being around... And probably she will forget bout wat she said after a few months... I can only hope for the best...

She ask me not to give up... But i want to... If he can do it to me once, he surely can do it to me again... I'm not so sure if i want him as my husband anymore... I still love him... But i'm not sure if i can hold up... I need to let go in order to carry on with my life... But adrian's mom doesn't want me to let go~ So how liddat?? I also dunno liao~ Hiaz...

Alright~ Back to my anime~!

OUENDAN!!!

Drama can be a hope~

I was watching 櫻野3加1, a taiwan drama... I like the characters so i decided to start on this drama... Not that i read anything about it prior to watching the show...

Anyway, at about episode 13 onwards, the story development between Yang Jia Jiang and Xia Tian is quite similar to mine... As in Yang Jia Jiang demanded a break up while Xia Tian knows that she loves him too much to give up and that his actions is due to some other reasons, and not becoz he didn't love her...

The camping trip in episode 15 is also very similar... I asked adrian the same thing as Xia Tian did... She asked Yang Jia Jiang if he can pretend that they are still a couple... pretend that he still loves her... jus keep hugging like that, at least till the rain stopped... The only difference is Yang Jia Jiang really still loves Xia Tian... Its circumstances that drove them apart... But for me, Adrian doesn't love me anymore... Even if he agreed, it would be out of habit and maybe even pity... Hiaz...

I was so so so hoping that the characters are me and adrian... becoz as the story advanced, they finally got back together... Hiaz... You have to watch the show to know what i mean~

Anyway, here's the link to the show if u guys are interested...
http://www.ttv.com.tw/drama/2007/InYa/index.htm (Chinese Text)

Can't seem to shite~

1st day in school~

Today is the first day in school~ Started off quite slowly...
Adrian's parents sent me to school with some of my barang barang... Adrian's mom was so sentimental about me staying in school~ She called me to talk a little after my lesson~ Hee~

Anyway, i met mich and went to school earlier for lunch and to meet hakim... Then went for maths lecture... It must be the most boring lesson in my whole life in school man~ Anyway, after that was fitness and conditioning which i was damn shocked by the marks breakdown... 40% on serious fitness lor~ like 2.4, pacer test, strength and flexibility~! I'm dead for this module liao lor~ Next was tennis which we didn't exactly play tennis... Spent the whole 1 hour going thru module outline... But we did play on our own after dat~ Quite fun~

Hall life starts from here on... Tabao dinner den go hall eat... After eating, slack around and unpack my stuffs... Den at 11.15pm, we went jogging!! Did some push ups and sit ups and finally help nuriah move fridge for some reason~

After dat we still went for supper which i only had ice lemon tea! I'm dieting remember? And we did a little shopping at a 24hour supermarket~ Den come back to hall... Bathe, Wash Clothes and wait for the washing machine to be done with our clothes... By the time i'm here bloggin is already 3.30am!! Best part? I still can't slp~ Maybe i'm not used to this environment ba~

So i'm going to watch 1 episode of Ying Ye 2 Jia 1, den i'm going to slp le~ Hahaa!! Tml's Lesson starts at 12.30, and that would give me about 6 to 7 hours of slp... Enough lah~ Hahah!!

As for adrian? I like no time to think of him also~ Maybe 6 times for the whole day? But thats good rite? Its a good beginning ba~ Maybe i'll learn to forget soon~!

Hall Life~ Happening...

Its Kinda Unfair...

Come to think of it... I stupidly dressed him up... Make him look nice and young.... More Fashionable... No more Cargo Pants and Baggy T-Shirt... Now, he wears Jeans and Long sleeves t-shirt... First time he gel up his hair was done by me too... I feel kinda stupid now...

No wonder my aunty said that he will attract alot of attention now... And asked to dress up too... But you know what i told her? No nid lah~ Adrian likes me like that... BUT... Obviously not...

I asked him today... If next time u got gf and all, den not convenient for me to share his room, i'll rent the other room... He said "Won't that be wierd?" I jus said... "No what... We are frens rite?" Feels like i'm lying to myself... I dunno what to think now... Think i told him a little too early... But... Well... Whats done is done...

Will be going school soon... Once i'm there it will be 5 days before i'll be back in this place... Wonder what will it be like den... Wonder if he will miss me and all... Wonder how much have they advanced in their so called relationship...

I told myself not to think... Its now a platonic friendship... He is not my bf anymore... BUT i can't seem to let go... I told my good friends that i'm alright but i'm not... I watched him prepare his stuffs for work, changed, put on his gel, wear his shoe, a simple "bye" and he's out of the house. And i miss him already... And i tink i'll miss him more...

Will i learn to forget?

Hall 4, My new home!

Today just moved my stuffs into hall... First impression was... How come not like hall 6? I'm going to be staying in hall 4... The place is a little old and location VERY FAR from my school~ But HECK~ Its my place now! I'll try to spruce it up together with my other 3 room mates!

Time to pack, sleep and wake up tml to go school~! Nitez...

Hall Life...

Mother's Grief...

Just broke the news about me moving to hall to adrian's parents... Although it was for a valid reason, but adrian's mom knew there was another reason for moving into hall...

she asked me suddenly if there was any problem... i tried to lie to her that nothing is wrong... but i really couldn't... so i told her the truth... about what happened... I was okay initially but when i saw the tears in her eyes, i couldn't take it... i broke down too...

She is quite understanding actually... Except i can tell that she really loves me and couldn't bear for me to leave... She said if can't be her daughter-in-law, can also be her god-daughter also...

i told her about maybe renting a room from her if me and adrian really no hope next time... She say its okay... dunno about adrian's dad thou...

Anyway, it has come to a point where i'm really attached to the family liao... Cannot be bf, also can be brother. i'm sure adrian is ok with that... Maybe he will be more then happy? I dunno... Maybe our last life are entwined in such a way that this life we have to be together somehow... Sounds like a taiwan drama... Haha~ But thanks to her, i have something to look forward to... Maybe i'll have the family that i have always wanted... Who noes? Its too early to tell...

Now i can only concentrate on my studies and get my first class honors...

Walk One Step, Look One Step...

Its Official...

Confronted Adrian last nite... Or rather this morning... Talked and Cried, Cried and Talked... But one thing is clear... Adrian no longer have feelings for me... According to him, his feelings for me died even before they started going together... We finally decided that we can only be friends... Nothing more... So we officially broke up today, 6th Jan 2008... 5 Years, 9 Months, 26 Days...

I'm still staying at his place for now... Finding a place to stay first... Once that is found, we'll then let adrian's parents know... And i'll then move out... I guess i'll let my uncle and aunty know and see what they say... Since i'm staying hall for this sem, i hope my uncle allow me to put my stuffs at his place... Then i'll stay in hall 24/7...

Today we will be platonic friends... I guess when there is no emotional attachment, he is less stressful, and so he will treat me nicer... He actually hugged, kissed and asked me if i'll be here tonight... I said yeah~

He asked if i can be happy for him IF they actually got together... I said i'll try... But i know that i will be happy for him... Becoz when u truely love someone, all you wan is for the person to be happy... And since he can't be happy with me, i have no choice but to give him up...

Peili is still together with her bf... And i think i may jus go and talk to her one day if she is still undecisive... She has to make her choice man... It is unfair for both guys...

I may seem like a brave and strong gal... But deep down inside, I'm hurting badly... Really Badly... So much that i really feel like dying... End the misery once and for all... But i dun have the courage to do such a thing.

Adrian, if u are reading this, i wan u to know that my love for you has grown since that wierd proposal to be your gf... To a point that it is painful to let you go... I still love you even now and i'm not sure if i will ever be able to love someone else as much as i love you... You are one lucky guy to have such a nice family... Treasure them always and take care of them... I wish i had the chance to repay your family for all that they have done for me... I'm sure the chance will come one way or another... But for now, i wish u guys all the best. Love you all~

Walk One Step, Look One Step...

Third Party...

Apparantly there is really a third party... Her name is Peili... If i'm not wrong, she is a single mom, girlfriend of adrian's colleague... I think they jus broke up...

Adrian is a third party to their relationship... And this Peili is the third party of mine... Remember what i said not long ago? That sales person is destined to be with sales person? I think this jus came true...

The whole world knows it except me... Seriously... Why can't they warn me? Are they happy to see me in misery? To them, i'm already considered as an ex of adrian... This is seriously stupid... Me, hoping that we will be ok after moving into hall...

How am i not better then her? What am i lacking? I dunno... I wonder how long has this been going on... Actually i dun wanna know...

I'm moving into hall on monday.. And i jus asked him if i can come back on weekends... I must have sounded so damn desperate... He muz be laughing at me inside...

I think he didn't tell me even until now becoz he is putting me as spare tire... Someone that he can fall back to in case their relationship doesn't work out... Now, he agreed for me to come back during the weekdays may be becoz he pities me...

I really dunno what to do now... I wan to confront him... Yet i dun wan him to noe that i noe... What should i do?

Confused...

Holiday Aftermath

Okay. I went Penang with Jeremy and Eileen for 3 days 3 nites, inclusive of travelling time... Had an enjoyable time there, the local food was fantastic, but the fastfood was below standard...

Was about to blog all about the trip but i don't have the mood to do so now... Why? Becoz i happened to discover 2 ticket stubs to the show Vexille at the PictureHouse... I was initially shocked... Why did adrian have 2 ticket stubs to an anime movie? So i called him...

Me: You went to watch a movie at PictureHouse ar?
A: Ya

Me: With Who?
A: Er.... (Some name that i didn't want to remember)

Me: Who's that?
A: Andy's gf (His colleague is Andy)

Me: With her? Alone?
A: Yeah...

Me: Okay Bye. (Hang Up)

He called me back about 15min later to explain... His Story:

"There is nothing going on... Nothing between the two of us... I needed to buy a new phone and headphone becoz mine's spoiled already... So i asked her to go with me... Thats my only off day and i need that phone urgently... You are not around wat... Anyway, The show is I want to watch one... It's an anime show... I'm calling to tell you don't think of stupid things... There is nothing between us..."

Thats the gist of the whole conversation... Obviously i said alot of things in between but well... He made it look like its my fault since i'm not around... So its my fault for going away since i thought he needed his space... Imagine a short 3 day trip and this happened... Whats going to happen when i'm staying in hall 5 days a week? I have about 2-3 more days before moving into hall...

I really dunno what to expect out of this so called relationship... Again, i'm thankful that he is honest...

When a man says, "There is nothing going on." Can i believe that?