It HURTs...

Looks like i have over estimated my strength... Its painful. It really is...

Its 5am now. So early in the morning and i'm still awake. I couldn't slp. So i went to the kitchen to make myself a warm cup of milo... I barely made it to the kitchen, i turned back and went back to the room...

I walked past his door, hearing the music blasting out through the walls, looking at the darkness that seems to be pouring out from the gap under the door... I thought back to how i had to sleep through the noise and how i would irritate him to lower the volume so that i could slp. Now i sleep in this room, with all the silence i could get, and here i am, hoping that i could slp in that noisy room~

I can never look at his room again. knowing that this girl probably sat in what used to be my chair, slept in what used to be my side of the bed, beside the guy who used to be mine. I dun think i can get over all those "what used to be".

Tears kept flowing and flowing while i finally broke down. Finally faced my bloody emotions. I have lied to myself, lied to my friends and lied to my family that i'm alright and that i got over it. In fact, i know i have not and i dunno when i ever will be. I'm not seeking pity or understandings, i just need an avenue to vent my pent up fustrations and sorrow.

Oh Gosh. I miss him so much. Please, give me the strength i need. Help me look beyond this episode and towards the future. I need to see the light at the end of this meaningless and dark tunnel.

How can i get over this?