2 weeks left...

2 weeks left to school reopening... But his attitude towards me is getting colder and colder day by day... He promised to put in effort to make me feel loved, make me feel like i'm his one and only, make me feel like he appreciates me... He promised to do all that until we move into the "cooling off" period... But no... He didn't even hold my hand today when his father send him to work... He used to hold my hands when walking to the van, a little kiss before hopping off the van... Now he dun even look at me... When he said bye, he simply said "BYE"... No "dear"...

Sob Sob...

I heard from his parents that he played with jerome at the wake yesterday... It must have been such a sight... I can imagine him smiling and laughing at jerome, talking about games and all with aaron... But i'm not part of that, becoz i was supporting my sis... I really wanted to see adrian smile naturally for once, not forced by me or something... But i'm not getting that...

It seems like he is hating my existence, but he tells me otherwise... It must be the holiday season that working him too much... All the last minute shopping and unreasonable customers must be the main cause of his stress... I wanted to sms him earlier, but i thought, he must be super busy at the shop now, and by doing that, he may jus hate me even more... i told myself that i must be understanding towards him... But is he being understanding towards me?

Its a super 1 sided love hate relationship... I love him so much, yet i hate him for putting me through this situation... So what if i stay hall? How long will he need to sort things out? 1 month? 3 months? 6 months? or a year? What if he never did sort things out? Should i wait? Should i give up? So many questions that i really can't answer now...

I really wish to die and put myself out of this misery, yet i have my sister to think of... It is unfair to her and my family if i die just like that... Plus, i dun have the courage to die... What about getting myself admitted to hospital or something? I can't do that too becoz i will end up making my family spend more money on hospital expenses... What can i do? What should i do?

If we really break up, how am i going to face adrian's family who have treated me as one of their own, who have loved and cared for me so much? More questions that i have been asking myself... I know that this is getting repetitive, but this is what i'm going through every day... Thinking of the same things, over and over again... What can i do? I'm such a loser when it comes to him...

Hiaz... I'm a wreck...