Saturday, December 29, 2007

Christmas Over, New Year Arriving...

Christmas went on quite alright~ My aunty invited her family members to the house for a short christmas dinner celebration... Lots of food~ But other then food, it was kinda boring... All the adults talking, all the children playing... Nobody thats in between that i could relate to... So for most of the time, my sis, andy and me simply hid ourselves in hilary's room till the guest left... Coming out to mingle a little from time to time... Of course, the day ended with mahjong again...

Yesterday we went to aunty's place for mahjong again and i lost almost 10 bucks man~ Stayed over at her place and went out shopping with my sis and andy today~ Plus movie~ We shopped for some clothes, bikinis and watched National Treasure~ It's good~ Really good~ Loved the puzzles and riddles in the show~ My sis fussed with my attire so much that i almost gave up the thought of going to town... Why muz we dress up to go town? My sis insisted that we should look presentable~ So in the end, i wore a tank top with jeans overalls...

I have been staying out most of the days and nites... but adrian didn't call or msg to find out where am i... Either his parents told him i wasn't coming back, or he jus doesn't bother... I'm not going to try to find out... Today my sis asked me... "Do you see yourselves being together in the future?" I couldn't answer, becoz i really dunno... She jus commented that he is not right for me... I was thinking... Since he is a salesperson, does it mean that he has to have a salesperson to be his gf? And since i'm a teacher, does it mean that i should have a teacher to be my bf? It shouldn't be like that...

Okay, i shall not think too much... Time to watch my shows and slack a little more before i move into hall...

Pointless perserverence...

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Such an Unlucky Christmas Eve~

Day started out fine... Prepared my exchange gift and went to buy the eye hook from a shop nearby... All i was supposed to spend was 80 cents for the hooks, but guess wat, i was hungry and greedy when i saw kuay chap~ So i ordered and paid another $3.40 and drinks for $1.20. So much for onli spending 80 cents. Haha~ Anyway, i settled down and ate happily when i was suddenly harrassed by a bee. It kept buzzing around my green tea, food and me. I didn't dare to swipe it away becoz of the sting! So irritating... Best, something suddenly dropped on my finger and i was SHOCKED~! i threw my chopsticks away~ I tote i was attacked by the bee!! When i took a good look, it was BIRD SHIT~ How nice... Anyway, i resigned to my fate and went back home after washing my hands. As i was bout 1 block away, it started raining... Hiaz... wat an afternoon...

After that, i decided to go to the wake first, before going to my aunty's place. In bus 74, i was trying to organise the paintball session, sending and replying sms with 2 phones while trying to look out for the stop to alight. When i'm reaching that stop, i put my main phone into my bag and waited for the bus to stop while smsing with the other phone. That was when it happened. I believed my phone was pickpocketed then. I got off the bus, went to the wake and started to look for my phone frantically. I called my phone many times, but it was switched off. I realised that its gone~ FOR GOOD... Hiaz...

I started making calls, arranging for the pickup of my sim card and all. And to cut the long story short, my line is under my aunty's name and she have to be present to collect the sim card. If not, i'll need an authorization letter and a copy of her NRIC... I called 1626 up and asked if any exception can be done for my case, they put me on hold, (wasted my battery) and spoke to their supervisor. They told me that maybe i dun have to present the letter, but i'll still need the copy of her NRIC... Can you see the irony? If i can get the NRIC, obviously i'll be able to get the letter!! So stupid, the ppl there really no brains one.. Might as well tell me straight that 1626 is jus a helpline and can't do exceptions but the ppl at hello singtel can... Save me all the trouble...

Anyway, after making so many calls on the public phone, (my phone died) i went to compasspoint to see if anything can be done. I tried to call first, wasted 60 cents on number 100 but hello singtel dun haf a direct line. Oh, i have to mention this, i travelled there mainly becoz my aunty said that she refused to help me get my sim card becoz she was too busy. Okay, when i'm at the shop, i finally convinced the supervisor to give me my sim card. I called my aunty to tell her to standby when singtel calls her for verification. She told me: "I got your sim card already~ I bluff u one..." I'm like WTF?????

Feeling so agitated and all, i went back to hello singtel to thank them and went to my aunty's place.. All this was done while doing last min shopping... For presents...

I bought everyone presents and i only got back 2. An exchange gift, and a muffin made by my sis... While i spent so much time and effort, choosing the right gift for everyone... Arrgh~ But Christmas is the joy of giving... So i gave...

Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year!

Sunday, December 23, 2007

2 weeks left...

2 weeks left to school reopening... But his attitude towards me is getting colder and colder day by day... He promised to put in effort to make me feel loved, make me feel like i'm his one and only, make me feel like he appreciates me... He promised to do all that until we move into the "cooling off" period... But no... He didn't even hold my hand today when his father send him to work... He used to hold my hands when walking to the van, a little kiss before hopping off the van... Now he dun even look at me... When he said bye, he simply said "BYE"... No "dear"...

Sob Sob...

I heard from his parents that he played with jerome at the wake yesterday... It must have been such a sight... I can imagine him smiling and laughing at jerome, talking about games and all with aaron... But i'm not part of that, becoz i was supporting my sis... I really wanted to see adrian smile naturally for once, not forced by me or something... But i'm not getting that...

It seems like he is hating my existence, but he tells me otherwise... It must be the holiday season that working him too much... All the last minute shopping and unreasonable customers must be the main cause of his stress... I wanted to sms him earlier, but i thought, he must be super busy at the shop now, and by doing that, he may jus hate me even more... i told myself that i must be understanding towards him... But is he being understanding towards me?

Its a super 1 sided love hate relationship... I love him so much, yet i hate him for putting me through this situation... So what if i stay hall? How long will he need to sort things out? 1 month? 3 months? 6 months? or a year? What if he never did sort things out? Should i wait? Should i give up? So many questions that i really can't answer now...

I really wish to die and put myself out of this misery, yet i have my sister to think of... It is unfair to her and my family if i die just like that... Plus, i dun have the courage to die... What about getting myself admitted to hospital or something? I can't do that too becoz i will end up making my family spend more money on hospital expenses... What can i do? What should i do?

If we really break up, how am i going to face adrian's family who have treated me as one of their own, who have loved and cared for me so much? More questions that i have been asking myself... I know that this is getting repetitive, but this is what i'm going through every day... Thinking of the same things, over and over again... What can i do? I'm such a loser when it comes to him...

Hiaz... I'm a wreck...

Stomp Kai Contest

Was there earlier, spent the money on the clothes and the hair do (althou it looked the same) and i tink its all worth it. why? becoz i met my ex, zhengnan. Surprisingly he remembered me and my name~ Well, i remembered his too rite? And i was thinking, luckily i didn't look too bad. Well, even if i didn't look too bad, i felt that i wasn't worthy of his attention anyway. Like i said before, i didn't have the confidence that i'll attract men's attraction. So i must have looked like a loser.

Now, why was his view towards me important? becoz i need to know where i'll stand in society if me and adrian really break up in the end. I dun tink i'll have ppl wooing me anytime soon. At least, not until i totally change my hairstyle. Its too boring, too "goody two shoe".

Back to the competition, i feel that it is obviously FIXED... The initial rules was that the participant should NOT have any experience in modelling... But the winner is a model already... Plus, there was 6 other prizes other then the top 3 prizes... And guess wat? They are shared between 4 participants. So what happened to the other 8 participants? Stand there and watch while the 4 sweep up the prizes lo... I mean, these participants put in lots of time, effort and money. why not give all of them some sort of prize? I mean, if they are able to have a makeover, look totally different from before, they should all be winners already! These competition are a cheap way of getting ppl to advertise their products... Imagine, free amateur models (except a few who are "paid" with prizes anyway) to model their products on the pretext of a makeover contest~ Its convenient~

Anyway, the competition is over, and i hope my sis did not take it too hard. Rest well and life goes on yeah? As for me? If we really do break up, i'll probably go cut my hair short and style it up. So if you have a skilled hairdresser to introduce to me, please call me!!! Thanks~

DAMN the Fake Evaluations

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Stomp Contest at Fashion Bar

My sis is in the contest and today is the finals... For her "face" i went shopping for clothes and will be cutting my hair later~ What i'll be wearing stunned myself... I couldn't believe it even until now... If i take any pics, i'll post it up... And i tink you'll be shocked too... Although i dunno wats the reason for dressing up at all, who will be there to see it? Well, i tried to get friends to turn up to support... But no one replied to my smses... So its kinda sad...

Just heard from adrian's dad, adrian's uncle or Yvette's dad just passed away. Although i feel sad, i'm feeling a little relieved actually... He was suffering due to cancer and i believe he is better up there den here... My condolences to Yvette and family~ Take care of yourself and i'll see ya soon~

I thought, if i have to die, i would wish for a quick and painless death. I wouldn't wan to suffer like he did and waste all the money on medical help. How to die? Quick and Painless?

Life is so Fragile...

Thursday, December 20, 2007

I turned into a Monster...

PERIOD...

Details can't be shared unfortunately... so all i can say is i have become a monster and i'm kinda like hating myself now... Yup...

What is happening to me?

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Should I believe him?

Thanks to all my friends who were concerned about me and what happened... I realised that i didn't mention what actually happened... I'm not sure if its a good idea posting it here, but as long as my family and his family doesn't read this, i'm sure its alright...

It happened after coming back from malacca... Me being away muz have been the trigger to it... Most probably, he was comfortable with me not being around... Anyway, i somehow felt that he was getting more and more distant from me... I was watching him play games but as a casual remark, i asked him if he still loves me... He answered "I dunno..." I was stunned at his answer... Usually, he would say "Yes of coz..."

I broke down, cried alot, asked him alot of questions that he couldn't answer... He also broke down, saying that his work was giving him alot of stress, until, his emotions are numb already... That was his reason for saying "I dunno". He asked me to move to my aunty's place during this christmas season... But i didn't want to... Becoz i didn't want my aunty to know the problem that exist between us... We reached a conclusion that I will move to hall when school starts to allow him the space to sort out his feelings...

After that, I broke down so many times that i lost count... Each time thinking of the worst case scenario, that is, both of us... breaking up after an almost 5 year relationship... thru this, i finally realised that i really really really love him... But if thats wat makes him happy, i'll leave...

Since i decided that i can leave only after school started, i have now till 7th of jan to make this relationship feel like how it was before... So that i have beautiful memories to live for if we didn't manage to pass the test... He agreed to let me enjoy the last moments together as much as he can give...

Recently, I broke down in his arms again... when we were going to sleep... I didn't want to... I really didn't... I dunno wat happened... Guess i missed the old him too much... He told me while comforting me, that he knows that deep down he still loves me... Its just that this season is wearing him out and he doesn't know what he is feeling... He asked me to give him time to explore for himself... He said that if we were meant to be together, we will be... He said that he still cares alot for me and he is really sorry for putting me thru all of this... All i could do was nod and hold on to him tightly...

Feels like i'm in a drama... Seems so unreal, yet its real... Should i believe him? I really dunno...

What if we were not meant to be?

Monday, December 17, 2007

ISG Ultimate Frisbee~

We won gold for our school~ We defeated the other schools and finals was quite a difficult game to play~ But we won anyway! Me, Rachel, Chris were mentioned in the debrief session after the games. We played and improved quite a lot for beginners~

But a few of us will not be getting the medals as there may not be enough for all of us. But we get to keep the jersey~

Never knew that Ultimate Frisbee can be that fun~ All the strategies and techniques totally blew me away at the start, but i slowly got used to it~

What, Horizontal Stacking, Vertical Stacking, Man-mark, Zone-mark, Cup, Force Home, Force Away, Twinkle... Hahahaa!! It was enjoyable, confusing myself with all these terms... Hee~

Hee~ Should i go for netball ISG??

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Air Supply - All out of Love

Suddenly thought of this song... and decided to post it here as it totally reflects my mood now...
Confided in a good friend and apparantly this ending was inevitable... Its just a matter of time... I realised a little too late... I didn't want to admit it and kept on hoping, hangin on... I have until 7th of Jan to try and enjoy my last moments with him... Hopefully he will make it enjoyable for me too...

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Lyrics:
I'm lying alone with my head on the phone
Thinking of you till it hurts
I know you hurt too, but what else can we do?
Tormented and torn apart

I wish I could carry your smile in my heart
For times when my life seems so low
It would make me believe what tomorrow could bring
When today doesn't really know, doesn't really know

I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right, believing for so long
I'm all out of love, what am I without you?
I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong

I want you to come back and carry me home
Away from these long lonely nights
I'm reaching for you, are you feeling it too?
Does the feeling seem oh so right?

What would you say, if I called on you now
Saying that I can't hold on
There's no easy way, it gets harder each day
Please love me or I'll be gone... I'll be gone

I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right, believing for so long
I'm all out of love, what am I without you?
I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong

What are you thinking of?
What are you thinking of?
What are you thinking of?
What are you thinking of?

I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right believing for so long
I'm all out of love, what am I without you?
I can’t be too late, I know I was so wrong

I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right believing for so long
I'm all out of love, what am I without you?
I can't be too late, I know I was so wrong

I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you
I know you were right, believing for so long
I'm all out of love, what am I without you
I can't be too late to say that I was so wrong

I Still Love you...

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Wakeboarding~!

Went Punggol Marina to wakeboard together with 2 other poly friends... The weather was good until about halfway when it started raining a little~ But the rain came and gone quite quickly, so lucky for us!

Today's session was great~! I managed to stand on my 2nd attempt~! I feel that the control of the boat's speed could be alot better, but it was good enough~ I managed to cut the waves, but crashed almost immediately once i'm out... It was fun!

I'll post the photos and videos soon~! Check back soon~ Haha!

Wakeboarding in Jan again!

Friday, December 14, 2007

ISG Ultimate Frisbee

Yesterday was my first training with the team... The atmosphere was quite serious and the training was quite tough...

But today's games were not bad... We played 2 games and the score difference were more then 6! Although i'm very new in this game, i still get to play! Which is good~ But... I keep dropping the disc... Butter fingers... Somehow i just couldn't catch the frisbee! Arrgh~

Monday is the semis and finals... Hopefully we can win a gold for our school!!

Ultimate game for the Ultimate Players!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Feel Like Shit...

Woke up crying... Miss someone very badly... So near yet so far...

Choking... Tearing... Coughing... Dying...

Eileen! I'm bunking into your hall for the whole sem le. Have no choice liao.

How does Shit really feel?

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

We Won!

We achieved our goal today at the basketball finals~!

We fought hard and was awarded with 1st place! We won! and most importantly, we enjoyed ourself. Great job peeps!!

Rest and Relax!!

2 POINTS!!

Vanessa asked me to go play for ISG Basketball as they have not enough ppl... So i did... Found out on the way there that it was Rachel that suggested to get me to play~ Haha! Evil~

We started playing Zone defence. I didn't play well at all, mainly becoz i'm really not very good at basketball~ But when they started playing 3 point man-mark, i tink i played alot better. Becoz i'm quite used to man-mark. Only thing is i'm not as agile and strong as before, so there's some disadvantages there. So all i could do was pressure the controller.

At the last few minutes, i received the ball and i was open! Suddenly i heard meifen shouting "SHOOT" and i did. I scored!! I couldn't believe it but i did!!!! Heee~ I was so happy that i literally jumped for joy! I must have looked stupid and surprised! But i dun care~! I scored and thats all that mattered then! Heeee~

We won the game and advanced to the finals... After basketball, we stayed and played for captains ball and we advanced and won the finals too!! First gold for me, even thou i onli played 1 half~ Hee~

What a day~ tml basketball finals~! (Later actually, at 11.30am)

GO GO GO!!

Monday, December 10, 2007

I'm Back from Malacca!

Yeap, Back!

The history of Malacca is considered to be quite confusing! It was governed by Portugal and Britain before and the "ownership" of the city was passed, exchanged and finally returned to Malaysia, then Malaya. The place is greatly influenced by the western and chinese culture, with many churches and temples everywhere.

On day 1, we reached Malacca at about 7pm, checked in and went for dinner! Ate at Kenny Rogers and did a little shopping. Went back to the hotel after that to chill and rest for a supposedly long day for day 2.

On day 2, we woke up early for the breakfast buffet that was so great and hurried to the buses for a city tour. Visited several tourist attractions, mainly historical sites, and had their famous durian chendol~ From 9am to 12pm, we were moving from place to place and ended with lunch at Ole Sayang. The lunch there was very good 10 years ago, according to my uncle. Now, its not so great, didn't enjoy my lunch at all. After lunch, we went back to the hotel, rest a little and its shopping time. And obviously i spent most of my money on stuffs for adrian and his family and my sis~
At bout 6pm, its time for my uncle's company dinner. The MC is hilariously, irritatingly stupid lah! Quite gay and mad! But he managed to entertain the majority of the crowd. As a tradition of the company, every staff will go home with a prize ranging from $200 cash voucher to 26 inch LCD tv with $600 cash voucher. Well, everyone except my uncle. So the lucky draw session is exceptionally boring for me. But the food was fantastic! Its really good lah~
After the whole dinner thingy, we went to the nite bazaar or the pasar malam. The journey to the place should be very easy and fast but we ended up getting lost and took a long time becoz the road we were supposed to take had a temporary lights out. And since it was very dark and scary, we didn't take that road! Hahahaa!! Nothing that interest me at that place too~

On day 3, we skipped the buffet breakfast and woke up onli at bout 10am~ checked out of the hotel and went for lunch and more shopping! Again, i didn't buy anything for myself~ Hahaha!! Travelled all the way back to Singapore and experienced 3 different car accidents on the same stretch of highway, within minutes of each other... Wow~

The hotel we stayed is the best in Malacca. Hotel Equatorial... The whole event cost the company about 53k~ The prizes should be included in that amount ba~

Phew... After blogging for so much, i'm finally tired~ Hahaha!!

What a holiday~

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Malacca

I'll be away for a short trip to malacca from 7th to the 9th of December...
But i'm still reachable on my handphone if neccessary~!

Happy Holidays!!

Monday, December 03, 2007

Holidays Finally Started!

Yeah~ After my last paper, i had a few more official stuffs to complete before i can really start slacking~ My last paper was quite alright, didn't have the time to complete the paper thou... The next day, there is a netball orientation test... Its basically testing the rulez of netball... I manage to score 90%~ Hee! And the last thing is the basketball ncap level 1 technical certification... I had to teach a skill in 10 min, and if i pass, i'll be able to coach basketball~

So finally, all that's done... now comes the fun part! Time to slack! Quite a few activities lined up...

Rollerblading, Wakeboarding, Paintball, Beach Volleyball, Badminton, Makan Sessions, Short Holiday in Msia, Mobtv, Crunchyroll and most importantly... SLEEP!

Woohoo... Wat a holiday...